I have been sitting here staring at this blank screen for over an hour trying to try (see what I did there?) to think about what to write, but I’m drawing a complete blank (in the thinking and the writing departments).
It’s like an Invisible Mind-Numb-er Creature drilled a hole in my skull and poured Novocain all over my brain.
My teeth taste like Swedish Fish and my stomach is full of Pollo Tortas from a sketchy (yet authentic!) hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint in Minneapolis, where two new friends took me, Brandi (my wife), and Alex (not my wife), to eat after the show tonight in St. Paul. We talked about Bethlehem Church and Instagram and John Piper’s transition out of the pastorate and Mark Driscoll (and how nearly everybody hates him) and Joshua Stump (and how nearly everybody hates him) and how annoying it is that nearly everybody hates nearly everybody and tour and the fact that all of our shows are turning into war zones.
Brandi and I will have our anniversary on Monday. We will have been married for a whole year. That means we’ll have been together for close to six - jeez! My grandma (I call her Gawa) - my Gawa always says that time flies. Just in general it flies. Sometime’s she’ll say, "When you’re having fun", but mostly it just flies in general. I sometimes just imagine that it disappears entirely - kind of like instead of flying away faster than a speeding bullet, like Superman would, it just gives you a peace sign (or the middle finger) and teleports itself away, like Nightcrawler.
At any rate, our anniversary falls on a day off in Nashville, TN, which means a hotel, Crema Coffee, date night, showers, and maybe some Hunger Games. My in-laws saved the last remaining bottle of wine from our wedding for us to have (it has been sitting in the corner of their kitchen tempting everyone for a year), but since we’re states away, I guess it can wait a month longer.
I got to see my mom and sister last week in Santa Barbara after my favorite show of the tour. My sister drove down to the Anaheim House Of Blues in Downtown Disney to pick us up, and it was wonderful to talk with them, hear how their lives are, listen to stories about Paul Mitchell cosmetology school and Dr. Whatever’s office and how the weather is just wonderful this time of year (for the record, the weather in Santa Barbara is wonderful every time of year).
I miss them.
I hadn’t realized how long it had been since the last time I thought of my dad until I walked into their apartment and remembered he wouldn’t be there, and if I’m honest I feel guilty for that.
But it wasn’t a sad time. My mom took us to a cafe for lunch and asked about tour. We visited my grandparents and got to eat Yogurtland on State Street. I got to hear about my sister’s classes and the church that they’re going to. And, of course, Sam was with us the whole time, so we did laundry together in the apartment’s public washroom and laughed and talked about things that don’t matter (which matters a lot).
I’ve got a bunch of thoughts about these shows that are brewing in my mind, but for whatever reason I feel like the Lord is telling me to hold my tongue until I’ve at least blabbed them off at him (Lord, run them through the filter of your Word that they might result in clarity, and not division!). Until then, I would simply ask for your prayer for myself and Brandi, for XXXChurch, for Come&Live!, Pick-A-Pocket, the package, and the vision of this tour in general. As stupid as this might sound to whoever might think it sounds stupid (well, at least the source is a bit silly), I can’t get the title of that old Frank Peretti novel out of my head - This Present Darkness - when I think about Fight The Silence. The silence is being fought with a lot of mixed messages, and I think that there is a lot being said (and defended) in name of misunderstood intent that need not be so hostile as it has been. The Bible says that we battle not only against flesh and blood, but with the principalities of the air, and I’m not always quick to hop onto a super-spiritual bandwagon, but I can’t help feeling heavier as the days pass by, and maybe Jesus is teaching me that I’d better start attributing what is spiritual to what is spiritual, and start praying about it instead of assuming its nonexistence.
Perhaps I’ll not be so vague in the next update, or perhaps, by the grace of God, it will not be an issue by then. Either way, may Christ’s mercies be new every morning, for all of us. We love you guys.
For the honor and the glory of the one by whom and for whom all things exist,
Levi & Brandi Macallister